Pajama Party

Wow! What an exciting and happy week!
The kids are off of school, relaxed, and having fun.
I am back to work...no, really, the doing this do over at work, work.
The company I work for, Primerica, (and this IS a plug) is undergoing a DO OVER
of their/our own! A former subsidiary of Citi, we'll be ringin' that bell on Wall Street at the close of business on April 1st and standing on our own. WOOT! This is 30+ years in the making and there's never been a better time to get involved! (ask me how!)

I've got a really good one for you today.
Get ready for a good laugh.
About three weeks ago I hired a psychologist who happens to specialize in anger management. Oh, heck yea. Don't let my sunny disposition fool you. Anger. Plenty. Mmm Hmm.
This guy reminds me a whole lot of Jack Nicholson so it is kind of funny. He is a bit slighter in build but has that raspy Jack voice. He's also a little abrasive, but in a charming way. He keeps it real. No excuses. Either you are a thing or you are not. There is no try. These philosophies really appeal to me. He also offers a loosely (very loosely) structured program of getting one foot back in front of the other. It's not just yammering on. He does put some focus on result. I have used him in the past for other situations so I thought I'd hire him again. To manage my anger.
My first appointment was double booked by his secretary. I thought that was rather ironic. I walk into the office only to be told I didn't have an appointment that day. I knew I did. I pulled out my planner. There it was in black and well, my planner pages are blue. I was mad but wasn't going to say so as the secretary was apologizing her fool bloody head off. Really, it was almost to the point of foolish!
And then THAT was making me mad. It was almost as if it were a test to see how I'd react. Maybe one of those nutty things that nutty docs do for kicks instead of a boring questionaire assessment. I kept my cool as we rescheduled the appointment. "oh don't you worry....everything happens for a reason...its okaaaayyy...." Meanwhile she's still apologizing like she killed my dog...

I got a new appointment and mumbled to myself all the way to the car. I was not amused. In retrospect, I am sure it might have appeared amusing to see a woman walking out of the shrink's office mumbling to herself. There's testimonial for ya!

So we had 3 appointments and things were going well. I am making progress. Feeling great about nearly everything. I've gotten 7 pounds in front of my weight issue! (thank you Zumba!) I am back at work and actually productive! The respectful rapport and understanding has returned between me and the kids. Life is good. Today's appointment confirmed all of that for me.

Today I went to my appointment, knocked on the door and let myself in as usual. Out comes Dr. Makinmemad in his paJAMaaaaas!!!! Did I mention the office is at his house? He says to me, "What're you doin' here? I don't open till 11" I said, "Well Dr. Crazypants I have a 10:00 appointment." ..."No you don't, that's impossible. I gotta go to the bank. I gotta confirm reservations. I gotta this that and 32 other things to do and I'm all embarrassed standing here in my pajamas."

Now I'm thinkin' okaaaaaay...where's the camera?? This cannot be for real. I just chuckled a little bit and told him not to be embarrassed about his flannels. (giggle)
They were rather stylish blue and green plaid worn with a nautica sweatshirt.
And then I reminded him that HE made the appointment only last Thursday. It's Tuesday today. Must've been a long weekend. He informed me that that was impossible because he doesn't open until 11. He dismissed me and asked me to call this afternoon to reschedule.

ummmmm......


yea........

about that.....

Today I learned that I am doing really, really well. The professional I hired to help me cannot get out of his jammies long enough to look in the appointment book and I was worried about being 90 seconds late. I do find it extremely ironic and rather amusing.
But here's the best news of all.
That guy just saved me 50 bucks a week.
Closer and closer to that 1.46 Million.

Everything does happen for a reason. The messages are usually pretty clear. I did not need that guy. Perhaps, he may benefit from as much as reading my blog. Sounds like SOMEbody could use a DO OVER...find some quiet head space...something!

Sometimes the messages aren't so clear.
Then you just have to be patient and wait for it.
TRUTH is always revealed.

;)
LOL

Whose Problem It Anyway?

I am soooo calling a Do Over....
Sorry for the gap in my writing but the poop did hit the fan in the last few weeks and my head was in a very dark and stinky place (if you catch my drift...)
Also I gave up the facebook for lent which inadvertently led to the giving up of much more of my computer time in favor of more prayer, meditation, reading etc.

Anyway, what I want to share today is something so personal but well worth putting out there. When it was first said to me I was totally offended (that ol' chestnut!)but now am able to see the validity and even apply it to my current situation.

When I was in the throws of the final treatments for my daughter in Arizona I constantly sought the wisdom of a very spiritual man. His name is Pastor Fred. My kids call him P Freddy. He leads the good people of Hope Community Church in Scottsdale Arizona. If you ever have the chance, believe me, it is an hour well spent. For me, anyway, God delivers a personal message right to me through this man every single time. Like it or not. The easy ones and the turn around and take a good hard look at your own damn self kind. Good stuff.

One day, near the end of Cait's life I was totally F-R-E-A-K-I-N-G O-U-T. I went to him for some comfort and guidance. It went a little something like this...

Me: OMG OMG OMG What am I gonna do? How am I going to handle this? I am all alone! I feel so lost! I'm outta my head! What am I gonna do?? I can't get her to do this that or the other! I can't find the cure! I can't understand! I don't get the message here! I'm so confused! I, I, I, I, I!!!! EEEK!! Help me Help me Help MEEE!!!

P Freddy: What is the absolute worst case scenario here?

Me: She'll die!! What'll I do then? (nearly hyperventilating by now even though I brought us both a Tazo Calm tea....iced of course....this was the desert!)

P Freddy: So? She dies? So?

Me: SoooOOOOOoooooo???? So? Are you kidding me??? SO?????

P Freddy: Yes, Michelle. What happens if she dies? What then happens to you?

Me: I, uh, errr, (so much for Toastmasters) ummmmm....i.....still.....live?

P Freddy: Yes ma'am. You go on. You live. What needs to happen here is that you need to separate what is happening to her from what is happening to you. Caiti has cancer, you do not.

Here's where I nearly spit my tea on the ground.

Me: Wha? Cai..? Huh? Really? Her? Not me?

I really did not quite know what to make of that at the time. Really. There I was in Ari - freaking - zona and this guy was telling me that this was not happening to me. The rest of my family in NJ. So many, TOO many things WAAAAAY beyond my control.

Hmmmmm.....offended.....at first.

But, my friends, therein lies the lesson.
I learned that there is just way the heck too much beyond my control that I must let it go. Cancer was happening to Cait and not to me. Her dad was going through some stuff that I was not equipped to understand or help him with. At this particular time my kids were all back in NJ and I had no control over what was going on there either.

Currently, my teenagers (God bless them, please!!) are making some really goofy choices. To the best of my knowledge they are experimenting and exploring. Substances and their budding sexuality. Yikes. This all came to a head about 3 weeks ago. I immediately went into my knee jerk BETTER FIND A WAY TO FIX THIS/THEM NOW mode, which just does not work. With the help of some very wise friends and compassionate friends I am able to sit back. I sit back just far enough to check my behavior, offer guidance (sometimes very LOUD guidance) but let them do as they'll do. They do and will also live with the real consequences of their choices.

And....

That is all happening to them and not me.
I have learned to let go, and let God.
What ever this is, I know He's got it.

Just for today, let it go.
Control only what you can.
Your thoughts. Your beliefs. Your behaviors.

Go outside (it is gorgeous on the Jersey Shore today!).
Take a walk. Put it down. Get on your bike. Paint a picture. Do your thing.
Just let it go........
You'll find me on the boards in Asbury ;)

Love from the Father....

So I gave up the face book for Lent and have deliberately spent more time with God.
This is something I like to do during Advent and Lent. I carve out more time for prayer, meditation, and bible study. Why I do this in spurts is beyond me. It just occurred to me this year that it would be very beneficial to do this all the time.
Here's what I've learned thus far.
God listens.
God responds.
God likes to mess around a little.

In the past I have asked God for help with the "big" stuff. Help me be the best mom. Help me be a better wife, daughter, sister, friend etc. Help us find answers for Cait. What do you want me to dooooo with this life? You know, the big stuff. I never really "bothered" God, though with those things that I thought should be with in my control. (Ha---my control, that's a good one)
Until now, that is. Just a few days ago I asked God for some help with my housework. The floors are constantly filthy. No, really, fil-THY. Three kids, two dogs, one cat, and melting snow make for disaster on the hard woods. So I asked God to help me get in front of that. I also asked God for help with my weight struggle. I have gained 10-15 pounds for every year that my daughter was sick. After she died I gained another 15 pounds. I'll wait while you do that math.

............

Yes. That adds up to YIKES!! God, I need help with this! So I asked God to get me in front of that too. I am going to the YMCA faithfully and while things are beginning to tighten up, the scale has not budged!

Anyway, from a previous post you all know that I keep a small dish of chocolates next to my bed. I put one on the pillow each night for a treat. Lately I've taken to turning in early and reading or studying in bed. I also end up eating ALL of the chocolate. A few days ago after tidying my room I replenished my supply. I then went out and about for the day. I returned just shortly after my kids came home from school. I went upstairs to remove my shoes and get my slippers. One step over the threshold and I noticed it. Something was wrong. Someone had been in my room. Something was missing. I just knew. I was very creeped out. I got my slippers from THAT side of the bed, the same side as the night stand. HOLY MOLY!!!! MY DISH OF CHOCOLATES WAS EMPTY!!!
Someone WAS in my room, but who?? I ran to the jewelry box and everything was there.
All of my fine jewelry and favorite costume pieces were all in place. Heck, the diamond heart necklace I had worn the day before was still out on my dresser. Hmmmm.
Someone was reeeeally messing with me. How rude. Everything, all of my tchatchkies were in place on the nightstand untouched. The dust, even the dust was unmarked! Just the chocolate was gone.

I did what any other level headed, understanding mother would do."CHIL----DREEENNNNNN!!!! FRONT AND CENTER! NOW!!!"
My children came running in a panic to see what was wrong. I could barely catch my breath. I couldn't believe one of them would have the audacity to...geeze...I even invite them in for one on one time in my room and SHARE my chocolate. How could they???
So as ever gently as I could muster, I asked in the sweetest tone, "AllllRIGHT!!!! WHICH ONE OF YOU HAD YOUR GRUBBY LITTLE.....ahem....I mean....Darlings? Have you any idea as to the whereabouts of mother's supply of chocolate? It seems to have gone missing. Any ideas? I'll know if you're lying."
Trouble is I also know when they are not lying. They weren't. They knew nothing about it. The chocolate was gone. Then it occurred to me.....I asked God for help with...my...

REALLY GOD!?!?! IT WAS YOU???? REALLY?????

Couldn't have been the dog. Everything else was untouched. Mookie is just not that graceful. Plus, wouldn't we have at least seen the wrappers on the floor? Something?

I didn't really have time to give it much more thought. We had the Y, homework, dinner and scouts to get through.
Got into bed that night. HMPH! No chocolate. Tossed and flailed and turned till I fell asleep.

The next day I woke up and did my usual morning dance with Mookie. You know, the one where he tries to trip me down the hall way and make me fall down the stairs. This time he did the trip thing and in my usual way I ever so politely asked him if he would mind stepping to one side, one .... side, one .... SIDE?? What the hell is that, there on that side?? Oh yuck! I almost stepped in it. UGH! Slimy gross EWWW...smelly...and over there too....and KEEE---RIPES! DOWNSTAIRS TOO?
Yes. Piles of...we'll say "recycled" chocolate. Complete with shiny wrappers.

It was the dog. How he did that, I'll never know. He left no trace whatsoever. I am so careful about closing my bedroom door. But now, not only did I not have any chocolate but the floors became the priority, didn't they?

Please hear me.
God listens. God responds.
Could this all have been a coincidence?
Be so careful of what you ask for.
He delivers.
He loves us so.

ps...to all of you dog lovers out there, ti's a complete fallacy that dogs are killed by chocolate. It's more likely that they are killed by their owners after eating the chocolate! Just kidding. Mookie is just fine. Tail waggin', goofiest, pain in the.....geeze, I love that dog. That there is his baby picture. He's two now.

Spread the Happy

"In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the RIGHT THING, the next best thing is the WRONG THING, and the worst thing you can do is NOTHING."-T. Roosevelt

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals."

"Go under, go over or go around but never give up"-Jim Meyer

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."- Thomas Edison

"Your attitude determines your altitude."

"Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow."

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying: I will try again tomorrow."

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If you think you can or you can't, you're right!"- Henry Ford

"People to weak to follow their own dreams will try to find a way to discourage yours."

"100% of the shots I don't take don't go in."- Wayne Gretzky

THIS IS EASY.
I AM AWESOME.
I HAVE UNLIMITED ENERGY.
I LIKE MYSELF I LOVE MY WORK.
I AM CONFIDENT.
I AM RESPONSIBLE.
I AM A GREAT TEST TAKER.
I HAVE A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY.
I KNOW ONLY THE CORRECT ANSWERS.
I PASSED MY TEST.

These are just some of the notes from a Securities class I took to pass my Series 6 exam. They make me feel so good! The instructor believed in the power of raising dopamine levels. We'd cram for 90-120 minutes and then get up and dance to some really loud, pumping music for 10-15 minutes. He'd have us alternate stocks, bonds, portfolios, beta, blahblah, with a full on party. This was the work of a gentleman whose funeral service I'll be attending tomorrow.

It touches so close to my heart because he embodied that same crazy "can do" attitude of my daughter Cait. His positive attitude, like hers, made him a ray of light to all who knew him. This is a guy who, while being treated at Memorial Sloan Kettering would bring piles of red roses with him and hand them to patients, staff, and I am sure anyone else he encountered. Many thought he was an employee. He, himself was a patient. Caiti was inspired by him, having only met him once and adopted her own version while we were in AZ. She instead chose Gerbera Daisies and we handed them out at her treatment center, the bagel place, the grocery store, the post office, in parking lots...where ever we happened to be. She called it, "spreading the happy"

Their similarities in mental toughness inspire me. Caiti barely gave a nod to her disease. She was sky diving six weeks before her death. She was way too busy living every moment that was given her. The last conversation I had with my securities teacher he told me of a surgery he needed to have to repair a perforated esophagus. This he referred to as merely a nuisance. At diagnosis he was reported to have barely even flinched. Caiti too. She wanted to know if she could skip all the big chemo and go straight to experimental therapies that might help someone else have an easier time in the future.

This is how it is with people like Cait and my teacher. They teach by example. They lead just by living. They inspire with their attitudes. Always smiling. Always tough. Always reaching out for others. "Spreading the happy"

I believe their message to be one of the most important of this life time.
The monkeys of this universe will continue and continue and continue to hurl shit our way. *sorry, no better way to say it*
It is then that we have a choice to make about our reality in relation to the shit.
We can get filthy, learn to dodge it, and learn to let it roll off.
We can get bitter or get better.
We can say why me or why not me?
It all comes back to a matter of perspective.
Wallow in it or rise above it.

Step the heck on out and scrape that stuff off your shoes!! There's so much good livin' to be done!

Thank you, Cait.
Thank you, Mark. (give her a high five for me, will ya?)
The two of you are teachers, mentors, and sources of inspiration for many.

I will keep your spirits alive in examining my perspective, reaching out to others, and continuing to spread your happy where ever I go.

You'll Never Know...

...if you never try.

Two years ago on this very date I was moving into the sweetest little apartment in Scottsdale, AZ with my two oldest daughters. I loved every inch of those 700 sq feet.
The landscape was tidy. The inside was clean and comfortable. The back yard was the coolest complete with a patio that was covered by a pergola and surrounded by long, flowy, white linen panels. I loved sitting out there. I called home from there. I journaled out there. I thought, prayed and meditated out there. Sometimes I cried out there. Mostly, I felt; I knew, really knew I belonged there. At that time I was deeply connected to that place. The land, the air, the mountains, the cactus, the indigenous wildlife all welcomed me.

From the moment a business associate shared his thoughts with me, I knew what was to be done. In fact, I think that day was the first time I was ever even introduced to him. This man asked me, "How would you like to never know if it will work or not because you didn't even try? How well will you be able to live with that?" Well HOLY CRAP. In my minds eye I remember that moment so vividly. We were in a room with about 498 other people. The room went dark. The room went silent. All I could see were his eyes and all I could hear was his voice. The words sliced through every trace element of doubt I could possibly have had. This was 36 days before I found myself in the Valley of the Sun.

In those 36 days we made all of the preparations. We were going to seek alternative treatments for my daughter who had cancer. These treatments were not covered by insurance. We didn't care. We raised money. Communities came together for Cait's benefit. Flights were donated. It was a truly amazing time. Every single thing we could possibly have needed was provided. Friends volunteered to care for our two younger children and Mookie. He was just 5 months old at the time! People sent food. How very blessed we are to have had this tremendous support. Gratitude doesn't even begin to touch what we felt. It's like teams and teams and TEAMS of angels came to be at our sides to guide, provide, and protect. There were even teams of angels placed to greet us and guide us in Arizona. Amazing.

Here's the thing. People said we were crazy. They told us not to go. They said it wouldn't work. They talked about statistics. Treatment was $100,000.00. Yes. One hundred THOUSAND dollars. We had living expenses on top of that. It seemed impossible. We didn't listen. We focused on the goal. The goal was simply to make the very best decisions for Caiti given all the options. We never backed down. We were so incredibly driven. We made some mistakes but continued to get up and get up and get up. We raised every cent.

We were able to fly friends out for Caiti. We were able to see much of Arizona. We visited beautiful red rocks of Sedona, hidden away lakes in Apache Junction, and the Grand Canyon. We were given many gifts. I personally got the most amazing opportunity to really bond with my teenage daughters. I would not trade this experience for the world. I learned so much and was given much.

Coming around to my point, we had a dream. We didn't back down. We tuned out naysayers. There was no room for cynicism or doubt. Without question we forged ahead. At times I was scared out of my head, but did it anyway. We aligned with the Divine and did what had to be done. The outcome is what the outcome is. We tried. We enjoyed some very rich, rewarding, and unique experiences because of it. That, I can live with.

What in life is not worth this amount of risk? You want to start that business? You want to write that book? Fall in love? Go your own way? Build that bed and breakfast? Open that shop? Lose that weight? Buy that house? Train for that marathon? Find a way to pay off that debt? Change a bad habit? Pick up that hobby? Start a savings program? Mend a broken relationship? Take that course? Join that gym or club? Have that adventure? Climb that mountain? Anything!
What ever it is, "How would you like to never know if it will work or not because you didn't even try? How well will you be able to live with that?"

Trust me. Believe me when I tell you. The angels are poised and ready to assist. You must believe in you and your dreams as much as they do. Then take every action necessary.

Shake it up....

BABY!!

So I just posted on being offended. (go read that one first--we'll be here when you're done!)

I have to share my Saturday night antics, surprises and complete turn around which was also of my own choosing. (I am beginning to see a pattern here)

So I had a crappy week. I was really down on myself and totally depressed. It came to having spent most of the week in tears. None of my tricks were working!! So I succumbed because, sometimes you just have to cry. No, really, sometimes, you just have to go cry about that!
By Saturday it was like this. Cried through feeding my Mookie, my morning coffee, and my shower. Got in the car. Lots of make up on to cover the red splotchy cry face. Tears began...CRAP!! I was on my way to the office!! I can't cry NOW! So I figured out this face. I squintched up my nose and raised my lip up with it and wa-la! Tears stopped! Ok. Good. God only knows what this looks like at the red light, but I wasn't crying.

I got to the office, did my thing and got back into my car and was crying again! CRIPES!! I blinked. I squintched. I lifted my lip. Nothin. So I did what any girl would do and went to the park to cry it out. Cry. Cry. Cry. I ran out of park time and pulled myself reasonably together because I now had to face my kids. Cry days are much easier when they're in school! I was kind of okay but DANG they know me too well!! A few drops fell through pizza and the cupcake my daughter bought to cheer me. (I L-O-V-E cake. It cures anything!!)
I had plans to go out with friends. After pizza the kids went to their dad's. Hmph. The door didn't even close yet and I was crying again. Then my mind started going.
Maybe I should stay home.
What a drag I am.
Who's gonna want to hang w/me like this?
Wish to hell I could pull myself together!
I know!
I am going to go out tonight and drown these blues with my friend Jack. (single barrel, silver label, if you please)
That's what I'll do....lose these blues in a bottle of booze.

It then began to snow. Although I was meant to be at a neighborhood bar, it was not in MY neighborhood. I didn't care about no stinkin snow. I got myself ready; again way the heck more makeup than usual to compensate for cry face. Nothing was going to hold me back. I was almost a little excited even. I was gonna be baaaad. Stir some trouble. Yeaaaa...You must know that I usually don't drink more than 2-3 glasses of wine in a week. Most times less! Also,(*disclaimer*) I am not in the practice of drinking and driving. I have a good deal worked out with my driving teenager and I was in the company of many who'd have seen to my safety.

Got in the car...... CRY!!!

REALLY???
Maybe it would have helped to shut Sarah Maclaughlin the heck off, but more on that later.
So I got to the bar (safely, despite the snow, the continually iced up windshiled, and the blurred vision through tears) and don't you just know I left my STINKIN cash in my other STINKIN pants (I thought only guys did this?)and so I didn't drink. Rustled up a fiver for one glass of wine at about 9:30. Stayed till 2.
Really. I was sober.
The night was going on. Karaoke was being sung. Sometimes it was sung well and sometimes we all had a good laugh. A friend was there who I haven't seen in quite a while. She spoke of Cait, my marriage, this blog and her thoughts on all of that. She offered a gift of perfect encouragement at precisely the right time. I tried not to cry to no avail. Thank God it was just a few drops.

Feeling a little awkward I was unsure how the rest of the night would go.

Into the bar walks this man. Man has a bag with him. Inside the bag are a set of bongos and an eggshaker. Yes. Eggshaker. There is nothing funner in the whole wide world than eggshaking! This guy was brilliant on the bongos. He played with another friend. He came over to me and asked me if I "egg". Do I "egg"? To be truthful, I have dabbled in the art of eggshakery. He handed me the eggshaker and then the magic happened. He was impressed with my mad egging skill and said he wanted to start a band with a kickin' percussion ensemble. He asked me if I'd be the egger. HOORAY! This brought me one step closer to a very top secret dream of mine. I have allllways wanted to be an "ooooh-girl". You know, a back up singer. I agreed to be the egger. When this project goes down, I am all over it!! Anyway, I went on egging as he played bongo with another friend. I continually picked up on and played off of their energy and rhythm. I was funner than fun. There is that special place in between time and space where musicians connect and create. I just do love it there.

By the end of the night, I was filled with joy. I had egged my way through every bad karaoke song, sang one (I Will Survive---are you surprised?), laughed, danced, and had a really fun evening. At closing this percussionist was packing up his bongos and I offered him back the egg. He let me keep it!! I passed the audition AND have a souvenier!! I will keep it with me for all of my days!

Who knew that so much joy could be contained in a little plastic egg that has beads inside?

Guess what?

It wasn't the egg. That joy came from within. The egg certainly was a conduit. But the joy-- the essence of the joy was mine. I just had to shake it up a little.
Here's my point. Back to Sarah Maclaughlin....LOVE her! I do. But she makes me cry. If I so choose, I can stay in complete cry mode and leave it on. Or I can change the CD. A little Bruce Springsteen anyone? I'm workin on my dream, you?
I certainly am comin' on up for the rising. You?
Playing that little egg, shaking it all up, choosing to play and stop my wallowing changed my rhythm, my vibration. There is science to this. It is part of sacred drumming. It works! It moves your essence around. Shakes it up a bit. You don't have to believe me. Go google. Take a look at sound healing while your at it. Good stuff!

So, if you ever see me at the red light with a squintched up face shaking my egg, you'll know it's not been a good day but it is certainly is on it's way to better.

Eggshakers.
The official tool of the 2010
DO OVER!!

Be blessed!
(and thank you bongo man! Where ever you are....)

Please don't be offended!

Oh what a week it's been.
Did you ever have one o' those? Anything that could go wrong absolutely does no matter how you try to reframe and gain perspective? It was absolutely that way for me. My son's givin' me a run for my money, my business is a challenge, I forgot to pay a bill last month (no worries...got 'er done), an inner wrestling match brought on by several messages from the universe all on the same topic, people not talkin' to me over some offense or other, other people talkin' to me about not talkin to me, missed appointments AND a new friend.
Hmmmm...This friend who has now inspired a 2nd blog (thank you for the way you move me back in line with my Source and make me think). She turned me on to a modern TV evangelist. I have read this woman's work. I like her in print so I gave it a go. I am not a stranger to television evangelism. Some is really worth the half hour you'll spend watching and the whole day you'll spend reflecting on the message.
This weeks WHOOOOOLLLLLEEEE stinkin message (yes, STINKIN! I'm still workin' it out)was on being offended. Not JUST being offended but how it is your choice to take offense or not when some one speaks to you a certain way.

REALLY??????

I'm offended.

So and so said such and such and this and that and 14 other nasty things six nasty ways till Tuesday and you're telling me that being offended is my own choosing???
With verses of Jesus's words to back it up even????
OUCH....and that was only Monday.

Don't know about you, but if Jesus said it, I believe it. I believe it and I trust it. Refer to Colossians Ch 3"...humbleness...forbearing...forgive...Jesus forgave...put on charity" John 14;27 "...my peace I give you..." Ephesians 4:2"...be patient, bearing with one another in love"
I cannot deny that this is all very good advice from a very reliable source! I also cannot deny that I have fallen short of the mark on this particular topic. Way short.

Just to be sure I got the message loud and clear, good ol' universe hit the resend button on Friday through my friend Tim Durling. Tim's facebook post that day read:

If something I say creates a pit in your stomach, it is not about me, what I said, or my personal history; it is about you, what you heard, and your personal history. If it changes our relationship, you have judged me and are blind to the Truth that we are both perfect spirits. I still love us both. The journey continues. And so it is.

For the record, Tim, still love you too, however, I continue to wrestle. A little.
And, Tim, my apologies. Didn't mean to judge you.

But that is the truth of the Truth, as I see it anyway. As the conversation went on, I realised that many (myself included) operate from a place of pain. Their human sometimes gets in the way of the brilliantly perfect spirit that we all are.
For me, I meet that sort of thing with my human. Better said, I meet it with my ego and oh how that can escalate!

Hmph. (don't know what to say)
I now know that what others say is what they own and comes from a place inside them.
I do not need to own any of it even if is an opinion about me. If I feel the pit, I can just make a note of that and explore later either through journaling, talking with a well trusted friend or whatever. I no longer need to take offense. It's not mine. Yippee.

Finally, some o' that peace that Jesus promised.

Ahhhhh.....

But not before forgiveness. Starting with me.

Who offends you? What things, words, or topics trip your trigger?
Forgive yourself and humbly choose again.

DO OVER!!

Be blessed.