Get up offa that couch!!!

Good morning!
I got a good one....
I started training for a 5K.
To RUN a 5k.
Did I mention that I am now 42 and normally the only thing I ever run is my mouth?

The idea came to me in normal Michelle Brown fashion, a big ol' nudge from the great beyond.

A while back one of my readers emailed me and told me that by reading my blog she got inspired to take just one hour each day for herself. She's a busy mom, career girl, all that. So at first she just would shut down and read a magazine or something fluffy but then got to feeling like she should do something more. So she started walking. Then she added a li'l weight training. She lost 20 pounds.
Greeeaaatttt......maybe I should go read my blog.

I filed that information away under "Get to this someday" and went about my business.
About a month or two later I was at my local, very favorite taco eatery ordering up ten delicious tacos (that each come with chips and salsa) to share with my family.
Yes. Ten tacos. They were only 99 cents each for customer appreciation month. Of COURSE I ordered the maximum allowed, what would you do?
So while I waited for my ten tacos (5 soft, 5 crispy; yea, crispy; it means FRIED and DELICIOUS. ) I picked up the complimentary NJ Fitness magazine. This season's theme was running. I thumbed through. I came across this article titled Couch Potato to 5K. How interesting. I am a couch potato who would love to run a 5K. Seems that it's a whole movement. Web site. Facebook presence. Progress tracking tools.
I actually did go home and check it out. Read up. Studied the program. Bought new socks. And then went on with my life. Not running. Walking. Sometimes.

About a month ago I began training someone new in my business. Spending a fair amount of time together, we get to talking about stuff. Remember, I am good at running. My mouth. I told him how I packed on the pounds when Cait got sick and they've yet to budge and he told me about P90X. HA! That was a good one. Go google that. Yea. Not today. That was a few weeks ago. Last week he introduced me to Couch Potato to 5K. Said he's been doing it for some weeks and I ought to try it. Don't know how I know, but I know that I know that when something comes across my path and catches my attention more than once in a relatively short period of time, I am meant to embrace it or at least investigate it.

I knew what to do. I studied this thing at the taco joint. I committed to the program to my young colleague. And now I suppose I've just committed publicly.
Greeeeaaaaaaatttttt.......

Day one was yesterday and if nothing else it makes for some really great blogging fodder. I set out to do this thing because don't you know that whipper snapper texted me at 4:07 pm to remind me that it was my start day. "Don't forget to run"
Hrumph.
I put my sneakers on and the socks I bought for the occasion. I put a scarf on in case it was cold and my trusty pumpkin fest cap with the brim down low so they wouldn't know it was me. At 5:30. So it was dark too.

Now day one consists of only a 20 minute session. 90 seconds walking and 60 second running. How hard could it be?

.........

It was a very long 20 minutes.

.........

The first 60 seconds was no problem. Got it. Did it. Recovered well. Walked 90. The next 60 was not so easy but got through it. Walked 90. Just about recovered and time to go again. Breathing heavy. Walked 90 and Crap, already??! It went like this till ...

STEP
THWAP
Flailing ensued as I tripped over my now untied shoelace. This was at the halfway point. I did not fall, thank God. I just flailed about until I regained my balance
I got to stop for a couple seconds and tie my shoe but then I got right back in. 90/60/90/60....
The route was only a mile out and back. How did THAT take 20 minutes I wondered. It's a route I walk frequently with no problem. Usually takes me 25 to 30 so I guess this is good.
I was a little sore afterward. Nothing crazy but my body felt like I did something. Hello quadriceps!
I also actually broke a sweat. This is good news. Even in Arizona hiking up and down mountains I rarely broke a sweat. I have to say that I was a little nervous that I'd be sore this morning and I am not. I actually feel really great. I slept really well.

Point here after all that running and likely run ons?
The universe sends messages. A couple of times in case you are slow like me. Usually they are messages about things that are good for you.
I am looking forward to my next session but certainly taking it only one session at a time.

Anything on your back burner?

Daughters may out grow your lap....

When I opened facebook this morning, like I do most mornings, I saw that a friend of mine had posted this quote:

A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she will never outgrow your heart.

He wrote this in celebration of his daughter's birthday. The quote struck me right away because on this day two years ago, my first born daughter not only outgrew my lap, she out grew this earth! I did not know what this day would bring in terms of grieving and sadness and even had a pretty good panic attack (or two) over it last week.

About the grieving...I am going to address it here, publicly. We have all been there to some degree. In my humble opinion, it is not well addressed in this society. Resources are few. Socially...yea, well, no. It's not the same as depression. There ain't no pill...
Some days the pain is so great that all I hear is a very loud ringing in my head. If you talk to me it may seem like I really am paying attention but it's likely I will not remember what we said. Some days my feet feel like ten thousand pounds of lead each. It's horrendous. Some days. Some days it makes me so angry and frustrated because I'll never understand it fully as long as I am of this earth. Some days I am so profoundly sad. I miss her in the physical like crazy. Some days. Some days I feel absolutely crazy thinking that I've received some "message" or other from her. Some days I embrace that. Some days I worry so hard about my other children. I worry about the time they lost with me. Some days I think about all her beautiful friends and feel very jealous. There will be no college, wedding, or babies. Some days I am so very disappointed.

At this time last year I was in Arizona. I had a cry up on Bear Wallow. I went to all the places that we used to. I visited with the friends we made. I came home and damn near lost my mind. The Sads had come for what felt like an eternity. I was in my bed or on my couch for three months. I am so very grateful for the people in my life who showed up and stayed. I was not easy to be near. I had a tough time with myself. My doctor said clinical depression. I was in and out of hospitals thinking I had a heart problem. I sure did have a heart problem, but not one detectable with their instruments. My heart was broken.

It was like being at the bottom of a very deep and very dark canyon without a flashlight. It was cold. It was lonely even though people who love me came around.
It was a very scary place to be.

Slowly, one minute, then one hour, then one day at a time I began to emerge from that darkness. I prayed more. My prayer life took a huge turn. The comfort of God's peace was granted. 2010 brought many more gifts and reasons to celebrate as well.
Almost everywhere I turn there is something new to be happy about. It is November now but feels a bit like spring time. All around are reminders to live, be happy, and love.
I have begun to facilitate a bereavement group in my church. This is nothing more than locking arms with those whose pain is similar (no 2 are anywhere near alike so I never pretend to know)and walking through the dark together. I've made new friends and some strides in my business. The children are thriving and pour their joy on me daily. There have been many reasons to celebrate and even some we made up.

The biggest lesson I've learned is that this life is for the living. It is to be embraced and celebrated, for, not one of us physically gets out alive. I am grateful for the knowledge of just how precious and fleeting this life can be. So very happy am I to have been reminded of that today by a quote in celebration of daughters.

So very grateful am I for the time spent, the laughter, the love (that continues), and the lessons.


Rest in peace, my sweet angel. I know the day will come when we are reunited. In the mean time, I'll do what I can to rock my days, grab 'em with two hands and squeeze all the joy out of this life that I can.

Let Us Pray...

I'll pray for you.
You who have no filters and say what's on your mind because you think you have the right.

I'll pray for you.
You who are one way to my face and another behind my back.

I'll pray for you.
You who would bully another with words or actions.

I'll pray for you.
You who pit one against another.

I'll pray for you.
You who cry out for attention to fill the void in your life.

I'll pray for you.
You who carry the burden of sadness and grief.

I'll pray for you.
You who think it's your place to judge another.

I'll pray for you.
You who give wondering only what you'll get.

I'll pray for you.
You who fertilize the seed of anger.

I'll pray for you.
You who didn't get what you needed.

I'll pray for you.
You who haven't yet learned to love.

I'll pray for you.
You who cannot see beyond the surface.

I'll pray for you.
You who think that you're the only one; so unique.

I'll pray for you.
You who think the journey is far to long and difficult.

I'll pray for you.
You who read this and think it's about you.

I'll pray for you.
You who haven't yet found a God to give it to.

I'll pray for you.
and
You pray for me too.

Namaste.

HAPPY!!

So I ran into the guy sporting a soul patch yesterday and there's something a little different about him. His energy is lighter. He seems a little happier. Good for you, mister!!
He says he bought a gift for me and in true Soulpatch-guy fashion he thought better of it and was going to keep it for himself. Hmph. I snatched it right from him. Yes, yes, it IS the thought that counts, but as my dearest friend would say, howevahhh...

The gift was a book. And not and audio book either! Woo-Hoo Soulpatch-guy! The book is written by Alex A. Lluch and Dr. Helen Eckmann and is titled Simple Principles To Enjoy Life and Be HAPPY. (I knew there was something different about him!) Yea, HAPPY. Not Happy. Or happy. But HAPPY. There's also a little emblem thingy in the top right corner that says "All you need to know". Hmmmmm.
All I need to know about the HAPPY, delivered by Soulpatch-guy? Curiosity got the best of me. With the book in my hand, I quickly turned on my heel, thanked him for the book and for thinking of me, and set off to read this HAPPY manual.

Much to my surprise every single thing that I need to know about being HAPPY is contained inside of these 272 pages! Hmph!
Eat well!
Get enough rest!
Move it!
Meditate!
Organize your environment! (this includes your schedule, I think)
Forgive yourself and others!
Focus on solutions, not problems!
Release the need to be correct!
Donate! Time, Talent, and Treasure!
Cry when you need to!
Don't keep score!
Be aware that you are what you think!
Soooo....
Love the person in the mirror!
Don't compare yourself to others!
And love this...
If you are unhappy about something, do something about it!
This is a great reminder that you are in charge of your own HAPPY! I am in charge of my own HAPPY. That is great news. That means we can be as HAPPY as we decide to be!

Although the book mentions nothing about egg shakers or the sacred chocolate supply, still it was spot on.
So as we enter the 4th quarter of the DO OVER called last January, what are you doing to get a hold of your HAPPY?
I still have a lot of work to do. I still tend to get derailed easily in many areas. Time to get back to the business of this DO OVER.
A good start will be some gratitude.
THANK YOU SOULPATCH-GUY!

Now I think I'll have a walk along the Manasquan Reservoir.

Say It Loud, Say It Clear.

Do you have a thought?
Do you have an opinion?
Are you one who boldly shares your thoughts and opinions or do you temper them because someone might be offended? Have you gone (hack cough ahem) PC like the majority? Or do you express what ever is inspired from within?

I know this guy, yea, "I have this friend" who's all the time stirring up some controversy or other. He posts stuff on face book about politics, religion, spirituality, and things of this nature that most of us are hesitant to engage over.
I applaud his bravery. I admire his audacity and ability to spark intelligent debate.
He is rather intelligent and very respectful in his postings. He welcomes the opposing viewpoint without any contempt.

Even though we often disagree, (dear friend, there IS a God, She DOES adore you and I do lean a bit further to the right of center than you)his posts and musings often cause me to think, rethink, and examine my own convictions. Is this such a bad thing? Some don't see it that way. They get very upset, even a bit huffy once the nerve has been struck.

My question here is, why does it need to be offensive when someone has thoughts and belief systems differing from our own? Once my own life experience coupled with my own research has formed in me a thought process, moral compass etc. someone else's differing opinion can only do one thing.
That is to cause me to compare and examine my own. This will yield one of two results. I will either acquiesce to a new thought resulting in my own growth and further development or my convictions will be affirmed.
Sounds like a win win to me.

When the nerve gets struck, that is always, I mean inVARiably, my cue to examine what the heck is going on. When something resonates strongly for positive or negative, I need to check it out. I don't need (though sometimes I do) to get huffy or offended about it.

There's really no right or wrong here. There is only universal truth. That my friends, is so large, so vast, and so infinitesimal all at the same time that in our human condition we each only see pieces of it at a time. Indeed it's like three blind men looking at an elephant. One feels ears, one feels a trunk, the other a tail. All are correct. None are wrong. They are just seeing pieces of the whole.

So, go ahead. Tell me what's on your mind. Don't go vanilla. Sing your song out loud like the cardinals do from the top of the trees. Don't worry that I may not agree, but don't mind either. It's just that I may have not made my way around to that part of the elephant yet.

On Letting Go....

Well this just stinks out loud.
But if I'm going to have a proper DO OVER, I've got to get in front of this thing once and for all.

It's all about the letting go. Apparently it's time to learn the lesson because there is yet another opportunity for me to do so presently.
So let go, I shall.
And being the self appointed Empress of All Optimism, I will also find the good in this situation by the end of this blog.

If you have children, I think it will be easy to relate. The letting go is so very difficult. Sure they can GO. Brian went to camp, Jacki to Kentucky, Maggi will go to Intermediate School in two short weeks. That's not really the going that I mean.

They get into situations. They make sketchy decisions. They sometimes get mixed up with the wrong friends. Sometimes they get mistreated. That's the part that this Momma has the most trouble with. (they don't call me Smother Bear for nothing!)

Who's with me here? If any of you know the formula for stepping in times letting go equaling the square root of a very balanced, confident young adult, minus all the drama please tell me now! The first one to crack this could really help the masses!

One of my children got mistreated by an adult. No, it's nothing too serious. But it is certainly taking all of my might not to march right up to this person and tell him what's on my mind. Except for one thing. I was asked not too with a pretty please. Okay. A public blog will do just fine instead.

My question is, where exactly is that line?
The real question is, when does Momma need to step in and really help her child as opposed to step in and satisfy her own need to create the illusion of control?
I am not the mother who will fight with teachers for 2 points higher on a test so my kid gets the A. I am not the mom who will come banging your door down if our kids fight. I am not even the mom who will come to you if our kids get into trouble together. I won't do their homework. I'm not even the mom who will clean their rooms anymore.

I am the mom who will allow my kids to take responsibility for their study habits. I am also the mom who will ask my kid what his part in the fight was with your kid. I will hold my kid accountable when he or she gets in trouble with your kid. I will allow my kid to find their own stinkin' socks!

But now my kid has a job and her boss is a jerk. My child (who will only be a "child" for another 2 and a half months!)was mistreated by an adult. Here's the moment for Jacki to really shine. I am confident that she will.
I am confident that she'll find an even better job. She will make her way. She's brilliant and beautiful. She's got piles of common sense and rises to the challenge.
She will handle this. She will learn and grow to even more brilliance.

Me? I suppose I'll just sit back and watch. I'll be here with a shoulder and an ear. I'll catch the tears if need be. I'll wait till she comes to me with it.

This is my point. Sitting back is so NOT what I want to do! I want to walk in that place and throttle that guy. I want to shout at the other kid's mother that my kid got into trouble with. I want to correct the kid who fought with my kid.
ET CETERA!!!

But I won't. It's a new day.
It's a great day for a DO OVER.
Today I will take a really long walk in the park, maybe even with weights in each hand. That ought to expel all of this gnarly energy. Then I will come home and do an inner peace meditation.

THEN I will be grateful that life provides not only opportunities for my children to grow, but for my growth too.

(and I got the broccoli rabe secret already anyway!)

Ode To My Boy

My son will come home tomorrow
He's been away all summer so
I borrowed
His Ipod touch

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
He'll clear away the garbage
and get the lawn mowed
Before lunch

And then we'll go out and play
All day
At the park or beach
We can take a big hike
Ride a bike
Or play balllllll
OOOHHHHHH

My son will come home
Tomorrow
So his sisters better put back what
THEY borrowed
Before he sees...

He's a really great guy
He's mature
and fu-unny
We really miss him a lot
We just gotta get
through with todaaaaayyyyoooooOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH

(BIG BIG FINISH)
MY SON WILL COME HOME
TOMORROW
SO I GOTTA HANG ON TILL
TOMORROW....
COME WHAT MAY!!!!!
TOOOOO MORROW
TOMORROW
OH BRIAN I LOVE YOU
I'LL SEE YOU IN ONE MORE DAY!