Shake it up....

BABY!!

So I just posted on being offended. (go read that one first--we'll be here when you're done!)

I have to share my Saturday night antics, surprises and complete turn around which was also of my own choosing. (I am beginning to see a pattern here)

So I had a crappy week. I was really down on myself and totally depressed. It came to having spent most of the week in tears. None of my tricks were working!! So I succumbed because, sometimes you just have to cry. No, really, sometimes, you just have to go cry about that!
By Saturday it was like this. Cried through feeding my Mookie, my morning coffee, and my shower. Got in the car. Lots of make up on to cover the red splotchy cry face. Tears began...CRAP!! I was on my way to the office!! I can't cry NOW! So I figured out this face. I squintched up my nose and raised my lip up with it and wa-la! Tears stopped! Ok. Good. God only knows what this looks like at the red light, but I wasn't crying.

I got to the office, did my thing and got back into my car and was crying again! CRIPES!! I blinked. I squintched. I lifted my lip. Nothin. So I did what any girl would do and went to the park to cry it out. Cry. Cry. Cry. I ran out of park time and pulled myself reasonably together because I now had to face my kids. Cry days are much easier when they're in school! I was kind of okay but DANG they know me too well!! A few drops fell through pizza and the cupcake my daughter bought to cheer me. (I L-O-V-E cake. It cures anything!!)
I had plans to go out with friends. After pizza the kids went to their dad's. Hmph. The door didn't even close yet and I was crying again. Then my mind started going.
Maybe I should stay home.
What a drag I am.
Who's gonna want to hang w/me like this?
Wish to hell I could pull myself together!
I know!
I am going to go out tonight and drown these blues with my friend Jack. (single barrel, silver label, if you please)
That's what I'll do....lose these blues in a bottle of booze.

It then began to snow. Although I was meant to be at a neighborhood bar, it was not in MY neighborhood. I didn't care about no stinkin snow. I got myself ready; again way the heck more makeup than usual to compensate for cry face. Nothing was going to hold me back. I was almost a little excited even. I was gonna be baaaad. Stir some trouble. Yeaaaa...You must know that I usually don't drink more than 2-3 glasses of wine in a week. Most times less! Also,(*disclaimer*) I am not in the practice of drinking and driving. I have a good deal worked out with my driving teenager and I was in the company of many who'd have seen to my safety.

Got in the car...... CRY!!!

REALLY???
Maybe it would have helped to shut Sarah Maclaughlin the heck off, but more on that later.
So I got to the bar (safely, despite the snow, the continually iced up windshiled, and the blurred vision through tears) and don't you just know I left my STINKIN cash in my other STINKIN pants (I thought only guys did this?)and so I didn't drink. Rustled up a fiver for one glass of wine at about 9:30. Stayed till 2.
Really. I was sober.
The night was going on. Karaoke was being sung. Sometimes it was sung well and sometimes we all had a good laugh. A friend was there who I haven't seen in quite a while. She spoke of Cait, my marriage, this blog and her thoughts on all of that. She offered a gift of perfect encouragement at precisely the right time. I tried not to cry to no avail. Thank God it was just a few drops.

Feeling a little awkward I was unsure how the rest of the night would go.

Into the bar walks this man. Man has a bag with him. Inside the bag are a set of bongos and an eggshaker. Yes. Eggshaker. There is nothing funner in the whole wide world than eggshaking! This guy was brilliant on the bongos. He played with another friend. He came over to me and asked me if I "egg". Do I "egg"? To be truthful, I have dabbled in the art of eggshakery. He handed me the eggshaker and then the magic happened. He was impressed with my mad egging skill and said he wanted to start a band with a kickin' percussion ensemble. He asked me if I'd be the egger. HOORAY! This brought me one step closer to a very top secret dream of mine. I have allllways wanted to be an "ooooh-girl". You know, a back up singer. I agreed to be the egger. When this project goes down, I am all over it!! Anyway, I went on egging as he played bongo with another friend. I continually picked up on and played off of their energy and rhythm. I was funner than fun. There is that special place in between time and space where musicians connect and create. I just do love it there.

By the end of the night, I was filled with joy. I had egged my way through every bad karaoke song, sang one (I Will Survive---are you surprised?), laughed, danced, and had a really fun evening. At closing this percussionist was packing up his bongos and I offered him back the egg. He let me keep it!! I passed the audition AND have a souvenier!! I will keep it with me for all of my days!

Who knew that so much joy could be contained in a little plastic egg that has beads inside?

Guess what?

It wasn't the egg. That joy came from within. The egg certainly was a conduit. But the joy-- the essence of the joy was mine. I just had to shake it up a little.
Here's my point. Back to Sarah Maclaughlin....LOVE her! I do. But she makes me cry. If I so choose, I can stay in complete cry mode and leave it on. Or I can change the CD. A little Bruce Springsteen anyone? I'm workin on my dream, you?
I certainly am comin' on up for the rising. You?
Playing that little egg, shaking it all up, choosing to play and stop my wallowing changed my rhythm, my vibration. There is science to this. It is part of sacred drumming. It works! It moves your essence around. Shakes it up a bit. You don't have to believe me. Go google. Take a look at sound healing while your at it. Good stuff!

So, if you ever see me at the red light with a squintched up face shaking my egg, you'll know it's not been a good day but it is certainly is on it's way to better.

Eggshakers.
The official tool of the 2010
DO OVER!!

Be blessed!
(and thank you bongo man! Where ever you are....)

Please don't be offended!

Oh what a week it's been.
Did you ever have one o' those? Anything that could go wrong absolutely does no matter how you try to reframe and gain perspective? It was absolutely that way for me. My son's givin' me a run for my money, my business is a challenge, I forgot to pay a bill last month (no worries...got 'er done), an inner wrestling match brought on by several messages from the universe all on the same topic, people not talkin' to me over some offense or other, other people talkin' to me about not talkin to me, missed appointments AND a new friend.
Hmmmm...This friend who has now inspired a 2nd blog (thank you for the way you move me back in line with my Source and make me think). She turned me on to a modern TV evangelist. I have read this woman's work. I like her in print so I gave it a go. I am not a stranger to television evangelism. Some is really worth the half hour you'll spend watching and the whole day you'll spend reflecting on the message.
This weeks WHOOOOOLLLLLEEEE stinkin message (yes, STINKIN! I'm still workin' it out)was on being offended. Not JUST being offended but how it is your choice to take offense or not when some one speaks to you a certain way.

REALLY??????

I'm offended.

So and so said such and such and this and that and 14 other nasty things six nasty ways till Tuesday and you're telling me that being offended is my own choosing???
With verses of Jesus's words to back it up even????
OUCH....and that was only Monday.

Don't know about you, but if Jesus said it, I believe it. I believe it and I trust it. Refer to Colossians Ch 3"...humbleness...forbearing...forgive...Jesus forgave...put on charity" John 14;27 "...my peace I give you..." Ephesians 4:2"...be patient, bearing with one another in love"
I cannot deny that this is all very good advice from a very reliable source! I also cannot deny that I have fallen short of the mark on this particular topic. Way short.

Just to be sure I got the message loud and clear, good ol' universe hit the resend button on Friday through my friend Tim Durling. Tim's facebook post that day read:

If something I say creates a pit in your stomach, it is not about me, what I said, or my personal history; it is about you, what you heard, and your personal history. If it changes our relationship, you have judged me and are blind to the Truth that we are both perfect spirits. I still love us both. The journey continues. And so it is.

For the record, Tim, still love you too, however, I continue to wrestle. A little.
And, Tim, my apologies. Didn't mean to judge you.

But that is the truth of the Truth, as I see it anyway. As the conversation went on, I realised that many (myself included) operate from a place of pain. Their human sometimes gets in the way of the brilliantly perfect spirit that we all are.
For me, I meet that sort of thing with my human. Better said, I meet it with my ego and oh how that can escalate!

Hmph. (don't know what to say)
I now know that what others say is what they own and comes from a place inside them.
I do not need to own any of it even if is an opinion about me. If I feel the pit, I can just make a note of that and explore later either through journaling, talking with a well trusted friend or whatever. I no longer need to take offense. It's not mine. Yippee.

Finally, some o' that peace that Jesus promised.

Ahhhhh.....

But not before forgiveness. Starting with me.

Who offends you? What things, words, or topics trip your trigger?
Forgive yourself and humbly choose again.

DO OVER!!

Be blessed.