It's Not About Me

It's kinda funny, as 2010 comes to a close, I am getting nudges to begin setting the tone for 2011.
One of the greatest lessons of this past year has been has been whispered throughout the months but blaring at me for the last few weeks.
I think I get it.
The smallest dash of humility can go such a long way.

Say it with me now.....

IT'S NOT ABOUT ME.

Wait...

What?

Really?

Life is not about how I feel, what I accomplish, or what I have. Nor is it about what has the potential to make me happy, goals I can achieve, or stuff I can accumulate. Now I can make it about all that but in the end I doubt that'll be a life well lived.
Perhaps it is only about a difference I can make in the life of another. What can I give? How can I serve?

Think about all the people who's lives you touch in just one day. This includes your coffee barista, your gas pumper, your grocer, mailman,your coworkers, your baker, that chick you know who blogs, your kids, your wife, your dog! Can't forget our furry friends! Most of these, but probably not your dog, have been hurt in some way. Or they're very busy sorting out their own deal. Or at the very least they are just trying to get from here to there. I find few who are not projecting their own "stuff" in some way. (self included!)

Now, when that "stuff" is projected you have a couple choices. You can either take the defensive posture...
"Well! I'm not going to take that!"
"Well! They have no right!"
"Well! I cannot believe...!"
"Well! Blah Blah Blah Blah!"
And then you can react with whatever emotion you think you have the right to.
Then we can all sit back and watch the show....

See where that gets you. Get off the merry go round already! I know I'm getting a stomach ache.

Option number two would be to completely disengage.
No reaction.
Crickets.
This allows the other person to sort themselves out all on their own if they choose.
This is also quite awkward.
What's going to happen with all this unsaid mess next time you have to be in their company? And you know you're going to have to....

Ideally the best approach is to bring healing, joy, love, and peace to all you encounter.
How to do that?
I have no idea. I'm just now, at 42, getting the inkling that this all is not about me! What my kids do, what their dad does, siblings, friends, etc, what ever goes on or is said, often has more to do with them and their stuff than me. Let that settle in. It is so freeing.

A good place to start may be compassion and understanding. Try to see the big picture. What is that person's life like? What are they struggling with? Then maybe we can just lend an ear, a shoulder, or a resource when asked for one. One thing I have learned is that people in a situation, be it grieving, divorcing, job hunting, parenting, business building or what ever their "stuff" looks like, do not, I repeat DO NOT wish to be "fixed". So what I am suggesting here is not sorting out what you perceive as someone else's problems. You certainly have enough of your own! Get on that as I get on mine.
Then we can meet each other with peace, compassion, understanding, healing, joy and love.

Yea. That'll be a good start.
Looking forward to growth in this direction in 2011.